Another freak nasty Monday night

Freak Nasty Mondays. Softball. You knowwwwww..

Softball: FNBM

When I was five years old, I played two seasons of soccer. My mom would stand on the sidelines (is that that they’re called?) with her outstretched palm held up in the air to remind me of the deal we struck concerning my performance.

You see, at the ripe age of five I was already exhausted from all the responsibility I had. Caring for Sleeping Baby (my terrycloth life companion),  maintaining a full play date schedule, and terrorizing my older brother kept me very busy. I barely had the time or energy to catch up on my Sesame Street.

So, in order to motivate me every Sunday at my soccer games, Leslie promised me a crisp five-dollar-bill if I could score a goal. My five-year-old mind quickly calculated that I could buy at least a lifetime’s supply of baseball-glove-shaped ice cream bars from the ice cream man–basically the deal of a lifetime. But, my budding soccer career ended abruptly and penniless when I got kicked in the face with a ball during an intense practice session. I could deal with the endless amounts of running, the bitchy girls on my team (I think they didn’t like me because I wasn’t going to end up a thunder-thighed lesbian like the rest of them) but messing with my money maker was a deal breaker.

To this day I’m positive that the girl did it on purpose. When I saw her a few years later in a dance class I was surprised that she still hadn’t came out of the closet yet.

Grown men cower when they see the FNBM

Since my short-lived soccer career I have stayed away from contact sports. Until now. At age 23, I am proud to say that every Monday night you can find me about five or six beers deep at  Oakley Fields playing for the Freak Nasty Booty Monsters coed softball team.

So far, we have won one of our three games. The team we played last week destroyed us and we probably would have been run-ruled if we hadn’t run out of time first. But that doesn’t make us losers. If anything it makes all the other team losers because they probably have time to go practice and I know that all of the FNBMs are far too busy and important to have the time to hit up the batting cages.

Even though I’m not the most dedicated player (my idea of warming up isn’t tossing the ball–it’s tossing my beer can under the bleachers behind the bench)I do have a few goals for this season. Getting on base is at the top of the list. Actually it’s the only one on the list. If I can manage to score a run I will  far exceed any expectations that I have for myself.

While we may not be the best team in the league, we probably have the most fun.  AND we definitely look the best.

Jenny smashing out of the park

We usually have to bring a calculate to keep score because no one can count that high.